Love and Romance

Watching the bachelerotte has made me ILL. Why? because now watching these two love birds makes me roll my eyes because those "feelings" go away. It becomes an everyday routine that we get used to, and even take our spouse for granted. Im not going to lie I miss those lovely butterflies that consumed my being. I never wanted to be away from Brandon EVER! I wanted to be by his side 24/7/. I had a flash back of how i felt at this time alone and filled up jelousy and upset.

14 weeks with Caitlyn.
Brandon and Kurt were having a work party and well of course I wanted to go.
The girls at work were going to be there and I so badly wanted to go I mean it was at Kurts for chirst sakes! Brandon forbidded me to go. So at the complex across from Kurt's place was a recreation area, had a pool table, couches and a big screen T.V. So that is where i was bound it was hot july I didn't want to go back to Brandons apartment. I remember watching Brandy's documentry on her having a baby (the singer) The whole time i sat at cried. Eventually i got a panic attack and was having pains and went to Labor and Delevery. Brandon Dropped me off and went back to the party, then about an hour later he came back to see how I was doing. I was fine of course but i was hurt and sad and felt so left out. In the beginning we had a lot of hardships I mean it was stressfull how was he going to support a family at the age of 21? Sounded hard at the time. Later on things between us got better, although I always LOVED him no matter how I was treated. I wasn't beat or anything but i was emotionally hurt and left out of alot of things. So I clung to him wanting him so badly to just love me.
After we got our own place things seemed to be more peaceful we eased into parenting and learned more about each other eventually for him falling in love with me. Then those were the times where he was a GOD to me I loved him though he was the most amazing lover, friend, sexiest man there could possibly be. I felt so luck, I am lucky. But Why do the feelings of first love dwindle into nothingness except it really doesn't dwindle it's still there just hidden beneath children and bills haha.