Love and Romance

Watching the bachelerotte has made me ILL. Why? because now watching these two love birds makes me roll my eyes because those "feelings" go away. It becomes an everyday routine that we get used to, and even take our spouse for granted. Im not going to lie I miss those lovely butterflies that consumed my being. I never wanted to be away from Brandon EVER! I wanted to be by his side 24/7/. I had a flash back of how i felt at this time alone and filled up jelousy and upset.

14 weeks with Caitlyn.
Brandon and Kurt were having a work party and well of course I wanted to go.
The girls at work were going to be there and I so badly wanted to go I mean it was at Kurts for chirst sakes! Brandon forbidded me to go. So at the complex across from Kurt's place was a recreation area, had a pool table, couches and a big screen T.V. So that is where i was bound it was hot july I didn't want to go back to Brandons apartment. I remember watching Brandy's documentry on her having a baby (the singer) The whole time i sat at cried. Eventually i got a panic attack and was having pains and went to Labor and Delevery. Brandon Dropped me off and went back to the party, then about an hour later he came back to see how I was doing. I was fine of course but i was hurt and sad and felt so left out. In the beginning we had a lot of hardships I mean it was stressfull how was he going to support a family at the age of 21? Sounded hard at the time. Later on things between us got better, although I always LOVED him no matter how I was treated. I wasn't beat or anything but i was emotionally hurt and left out of alot of things. So I clung to him wanting him so badly to just love me.
After we got our own place things seemed to be more peaceful we eased into parenting and learned more about each other eventually for him falling in love with me. Then those were the times where he was a GOD to me I loved him though he was the most amazing lover, friend, sexiest man there could possibly be. I felt so luck, I am lucky. But Why do the feelings of first love dwindle into nothingness except it really doesn't dwindle it's still there just hidden beneath children and bills haha.

Done with

Yay my gal bladder is OUT! I wont have attacks, pancreintitis or liver problems anymore (hopefully)
anyways if you want to read my journey hang in there and read along

6am Danette comes to pick me up because I didn't want Brandon to have to wake the kids and have them all at the hospital... so we checked in, and i was called back. Danette made it easy for me to forget about being scared about "going under" I was just afraid I wouldn't wake up.
So the nurse comes in and give me a gift bag from my mom (b's mom) anyways i got a teddy bear, and some lotion and lipgloss and a nice coffee mug! I really needed that coffee mug i just have tea cups! So they get my Iv started a new nurse had started she worked at memorial and they have an IV team so they never start them. So a nurse was showing her how. Meanwhile the anastesialogist came in and gave me the "I don't care drug" and i was wheeled off in to the OR. He never told me when he was going to give me the anastesia ...I was out then woke up in recovery ..very very sore. SO they gave me some dilladid, morphine.. it eased some of the pain.
They had no room in Med surg, so they took me to OB.. Same room I had with the twins brang back some memories. Well my surgeon i don't like he may be good but wouldn't give me any IV pain medication. I was hurting so bad and the nurses go theres nothing the DR. can really do. Im like YEAH right he can give me some god damn pain meds. All i got was percocet every 4 hours. Then the nurse said if I was asking for IV drugs it would be like me asking for Percocet if i stubbed my toe. Im like REALLY i just had major surgery in my abdomen. Later that night I had Kasey as my nurse we went out together before to the bars... and got drunk she was so sweet and did so much for me. LOVED HER! Danette brought me a milkshake that night and decided to stay the night with me.. she layed on the smallest cot ever but it made me feel safe and was nice to have a friend there. So morning approches and the surgeon comes in and this is what he says "Hi, bye see you in 3 weeks" then left. I didn't get to ask him anything! I was later dischared with 20 percocet. TWENTY. that lasted me 2.5 days taking them around the clock. So i called them today and she goes you should feel fine just take ibprophen..I said I DID THAT lastnight and i could not sleep! she goes well no other dr will give you pain medication. well she was wrong about that i went to my clinic and was prescribed 30 percocet to get me through the nights. My mother inlaw did great with hers and had no pain really after. I guess some people just do better but i sure didn't ..Not to mention half my pills ended up in the toilet because i puked them up...now im slowly healing and need sleep i think ive seen every episode of 'The Nanny'

It's been hard.

It's been a hard hard month being 14 days late, and getting a positive digital test.
It messed with my head. I went to three diffrent doctors to confirm i was indeed not pregnant.
While getting an ultrasound he said my uterin lining was thin... I have no idea really what that means except i was bleeding and thought it should have been thicker since i started late.
I regret so badly getting a tubal ligation. For Brandon it's all about money, and it usually is about that for men. Someday I will get them untied it's MY BODY and i'll do what i want with it. I have so much going on health wise that they think it was all caused by my galbladder i swear Dr.s really never do have the "answer". well that is that.