Raw and Truthfull blog.

I know this blog may sound oh, I don't know "Pitty party on me" But I don't care I just want to share my feelings of jealousy? I'm not even sure if that is the word to describe what I'm about to blog about.
I look around at MY life and don't see much accomplishment. Yes I have gone to school, and all that jazz. I just see people with beautiful houses (clean houses), not to mention they are mine and Brandon's age.
I love and ADORE my children to NO END OF THE WORLD. But just for a split second I wonder what it would be like if we were the type of couple that didn't have children. What would our life consist of? Would we enjoy eachother more? It would be just me and Brandon. Now IN NO WAY am I saying I don't want my children, I'm just turning back the clock on things and wonder what things would be like is all. Brandon promised me this week that we would go on a date, he said he was going to call his parents for this weekend, but of course we all got sick, and they already had plans with my little neice. (wish i could of seen her) :( He doesn't talk much thats pretty much how it has always been. I guess I just have to get used to it, but it's hard. I just want to be happy and I'm not jumping for joy in my relationship. What happend to those lovely butterflies that once consumed my being? I guess they flew away. I miss my cream soda Kisses, trips to yakima, dates, holding hands, saying I love you every 5 minutes. Now it's just something you say it seems. wow this blog is really getting to me my eyes are watering up with tears gotta blink gotta blink, don't wanna cry!!! Idon't want to live in this house for the rest of our kids lives, I don't want to be low income on foodstamps and wondering if my checking account will go overdrawn because of a stupid pepsi. I haven't gotten out of bed for a week now. Today is the first day that I actually feel ok to get up, and go do something with the kids then go workout, again I'm not seeing results and that is frustrating too. I really don't know what to do with myself anymore I feel like I'm going crazy inside because of the things I can't have and I don't mean all material possesions either. It's time for some change I just want a NIGHT with my husband alone, have some drinks enjoy our time together. We never got to truly enjoy ourselves. I mean Baby after baby how can you? It's all about the kids as it should be but we need time to. I need time. Im going to go crazy!

Oh just reality.

Seriously..Anytime me and Danette go do something, SOMETHING strange and oddly funny happens. It's like we should be on film I can just see it in my head, people watching us on t.v. and either cracking up in laughter because you can't believe THAT just happend or saying okay what idiots.
So for many months me and Danette have been looking forward to Britney, and our Spa day we had everything planned out to what we would eat. When we got to Bothell for our spa it took us quite awhile to find the place. It was in a small building up above an exotic animal veternarian. Odd place for a spa huh? When we get up there we are 2 min late and the lady is like "just fill these out" and Danette did not get to finish hers. She was filling out the fourm that asked if you didn't want to be touched in certain places... The strange skinny hunched back lady said oh don't worry about that we are late. So Danette is like "okay" so me and Jamie get to be together right? It says couples massage and lunch and a foot soak" The lady said she was sorry about the missunderstanding and that we would have to be put in two seperate rooms, and that lunch was just an option. Let's just say Danette was pissed off, because her husband spent a good amount of money on our gift! The lady said she would add on a speacial scrub for free. Danette kept asking me if she sounded like a bitch for complaining. I told her no! she had every right to be upset. So we get our massages and the girl who did mine kept looking at the time and it was quite distracting and not to mention I could hear her stomach growling in my ear!

After the massage we get our free foot soak and scrub, the lady did a half ass job putting this salt on our feet trying to sell it to us saying how good it is for pain ect ect. Im like Yeah I just put a little Mortin salt in my tub and it does wonders! While we were soaking i heard my masuuse say how something was unfair. Im thinking she may have gotten jipped out of money. So we are sitting there and here all these wierd animals squaking from downstairs. Danette just asked if there was a mall around and the lady was like yes let me print it out for you, she does, and then goes on to explain how to get there she keeps on talking finnaly i go "Yes i know how to get there" And we try to leave..... The front door was locked THE LADY locked us in! It was creepy if you ever watched the movie Hostel that is the feeling I got from her like she was ready to stab us and eat our brains. Moving on...we got the hell out of there fast.

I'll blog more later. something funny is about to happen

This world is beyond fucked.

Well that sums up my blog.

So it's been a sad week for my bestfriend, her sister miscarried and it's so sad she was so happy and looking forward to having her baby. She was 14 weeks. Baby lived untill 8 weeks. Today they are stripping her membrains and letting things happen from there. My heart is sad for her.

I watch the news everyday and I can't believe how much sick violence happens in our country.
a man in his 20's kills his 2 sisters, beheading the five year old, and stabbing the 17 year old to death, the police man had to witness the five year old dying. He then went after his 9 year old sister and stabbed her. She lived. what is wrong with this world?

Oh and now "Party moms" are arrested as they chant thier teen girls to drink volkda and now are in the hospital for alchoal posioning.

What the hell.